hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
worst night to have a conscience
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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