it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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