I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
