so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I could make wine with my vomit
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
