Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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