Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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