I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
