I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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