I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
