nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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