I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
