I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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