When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
