i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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