Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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