Hey man sorry I got all grabby
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
