Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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