so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
