i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
