after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
