I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
