My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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