Apparently you make a good broom.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
