walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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