I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
