Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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