After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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