Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
