i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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