Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
