god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
