Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is Oprah even human
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
