Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
