i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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