i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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