I could have mohawked her pubes.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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