I cockslap morals
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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