i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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