I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
