Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
