One girl and one boy is just not enough.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
then he tried to convert me to islam
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
