Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
