Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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