There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
