my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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