i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
