is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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