YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
