Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
