why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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