I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He shit in the fireplace
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